Christmas at the Kringles' Teaser Is Just Halloween Again

I want it on record that I did not go looking for this. I was three days into my "let's ease gently into fireside season" playlist, candle lit, jumper on, absolutely no interest in anything with tinsel on it, when the internet decided I needed to see the teaser for Christmas at the Kringles'. Thanks, internet. Very restful.

Here is the pitch, as reported by Bloody Disgusting: Ron Livingston, a man who has already survived office jobs and a haunted house or two in his career, gets dropped into a neighbourhood of killer Christmas fanatics. Not people who overdo the outdoor lights and get a bit shirty about it. Killer. As in there is a chainsaw. As in there is, and I am simply reporting what Bloody Disgusting reported, a leather daddy involved somewhere in the mayhem.

So let's be honest with each other. This is not a Christmas film. This is a Halloween film that changed into something warmer, told everyone it was "doing a dry December" and hoped nobody would notice it never actually stopped.

The tinsel is doing a lot of work

I love a good seasonal disguise. Cosy jumper, string lights, a mug of something hot, and underneath it all the exact same bones as every slasher I have ever hidden behind a cushion for. Give a film a wreath and a carol on the soundtrack and suddenly it is "festive" instead of "the reason I am sleeping with a lamp on." Christmas at the Kringles' is not even trying to hide it. It has swapped a mask for a Santa hat and called it a costume change.

Poor Ron Livingston. The man has apparently had every kind of terrible day a horror film can invent for him, and this one sounds like the worst Christmas of his life specifically, which is a high bar when the neighbours are this committed to their aesthetic. I would like to know what he did to deserve a leather daddy with a chainsaw showing up at his door, but I suspect the honest answer is "agreed to be in the film."

What this actually tells us

Here is my genuinely dry take, and I stand by it: horror does not have a season, it has a wardrobe. Round here it is never really October or December, it is just horror wearing whatever coat suits the calendar. A killer Christmas fanatic is a slasher in a jumper. A haunted house at Halloween is the same haunted house in July with better marketing. The costume changes. The chainsaw does not.

So no, I am not putting this one off until December. If a film is going to be this committed to gore under a string of fairy lights, I am watching it exactly when it has the good manners to arrive, and I am not pretending it is anything other than Halloween that got itself a nicer jumper.

I will be keeping half an eye on this one as more comes out. In the meantime, if anyone needs me, I will be on the sofa, coffee in hand, mildly regretting how much I now want to know what the leather daddy's motive is.